


First, Last, and Only

by snoolatte



Category: VICTON (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst and Tragedy, Childhood Memories, Love Letters, M/M, Memories, Mentions of Cancer, True Love, just seungsik missing seungwoo dearly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-22
Updated: 2020-12-22
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:42:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,456
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27934066
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/snoolatte/pseuds/snoolatte
Summary: And Seungsik looked like the biggest fool ever lived to tell his sad tale.
Relationships: Han Seungwoo/Kang Seungsik
Comments: 9
Kudos: 29
Collections: VICFEST®—round two!





	First, Last, and Only

**Author's Note:**

> filling prompt #145 — where seungwoo leaves, and seungsik waits. prompter asked for a long-distance relationship fic, i am doing it with a twist. 
> 
> [>] for a better burst of emotions, please listen to if only by monsta x
> 
> **WARNINGS! angst—this fic also mentioned cancer illness so read at your own risk.**

Seungsik was busy collecting the used plates from their dinner that night when he felt a hand napping around his shoulder.

“What are you doing, son? I'll do that, okay? You should be resting, you had a long flight.” His lover's mom muttered, reaching for the plates.

“I just wanted to help,” Seungsik whispered, slowly attaining some to wipe the table when his hands got emptied.

Seungwoo's mom places the plates on the table reaching out for his cold hands. Seungsik felt her caresses the back of his hands with her thumbs—it was soft and warm just like the sweet smiles she was offering.

“You can help anytime you want but as of now, you need to go upstairs and rest, uh? Tomorrow will be a long day.”

Seungsik mirrored those sweet curves to his lover's matriarch and nodded. He hugged her tight whispering sweet ‘okay’ before settling himself upstairs.

He was now in the comfort place he was accustomed to, the place where a lot of memories were born, the place where they become as one—in Seungwoo's room.

Instead of going straight to the bed, Seungsik went to his partner's study table to rest, and just in time he was seated, a framed photo comes to display. Their first photo together after they become a couple. They were fresh, young but nonetheless full of love.

Seungsik reaches out for the picture and let out a smile, bittersweet could be tasted beneath his tongue. He touched the image and felt a bursting feeling coming all at once—a pang of guilt mixing with a death-like sadness.

He was out of breath. The emotion was too strong for his own good. Seungsik needs to let it out. _He needs to._

Placing the picture back to its place, Seungsik took a diary and pen out from his bag. He then started to scribble something.

_Seungwoo hyung,_

_It has been exactly three hundred fifty-six days since I have been missing you. Writing you a letter is really an absurd idea, but hey, this choice might be the best thing to do than anything else, right?_

_Lately, I’ve been dreaming of our memories together, I can’t help it okay? I miss you so badly._ _I am so longing for you so badly._

_I miss those times when we were a mess, a seven-year-old kid could be dirty as mud. Remember that time I was so hungry and so, the best solution was to pick those sweet berries from the old angry man’s backyard just across our treehouse? I’m proud that you succeeded in picking them but your usual dumb self left your slippers, making the old man found out that we were picking his beloved fruits. We were laughing so freely while escaping from the old hag._ _**That was the starting point of everything.** _

_If wasn’t because of you, maybe my tenth grade was unbearable from that thought that I am bullied by some, I can still recall how you ruled those bastards. I don't know what you did to them but everywhere you go, those idiots will still obey and follow you, they even named your group which I find it very funny. I don't know what's in you but I guess naturally you were born a leader._

_Junior years came by and you were so tall already. Your physiques were now much toner than the previous years I am with you, and as your veins were puffing out from your muscles, so do I. My feelings were growing each day that it was tough to handle but I guess since I am Kang Seungsik, I handle it well. There’s nothing I can’t do—well aside from confessing to you because that would be the last and the least option, yet, at some point, I tried, but still chickened out and was only drown from the feelings of having you around, for loving you from afar._

_It was in our ninth grade still, on the masquerade prom our school hosted. I was thinking I shouldn’t be there in the first place but I am glad I did because something magical happened, just like in fairy tales we always read when we're still young, you were there asking me for a dance, right in front of everyone. That was the most wonderful night only to know that behind those masks was the man I treasured and love the most._

_On Valentine’s day in my senior years was the most cherished memory I have been keeping still up to this date. If only I can bottle that moment and store it forever, I will. The guy I am deeply in love with confesses his feelings to me. Yes, hyung, I love you too, so much. It was the best day of my life and the beginning of everything,_ _**our everything** _ _**.** _ _I love how our dates were, from simple street foods date everytime you will wait for me until my last class at six, to just staying at home enjoying ramen and movies, also down to composing music together —they were so many of them, as much as I want to enumerate them, I can’t._

_But everything was shattered into pieces. The fairytale I've been dreaming of has come to an end. That was the end of the night, I caught you kissing another guy. That was the worst sight I'd ever seen, kissing the lips of my best friend, Byungchan._

_I thought it was really the end of everything yet a hundred days passed or I lost count after we broke up. My nephew was brought to the hospital, however, three days or so, and as we were about to exit the hospital, I saw you._

_**How come you never told me?** _

_**How come you kept it a secret** _ _**?** _

_I never thought I would ever see you again, but I did, sitting on that wheelchair looking fragile and pale. The person who helped you was the best friend I thought I would hate the most yet it turns out that the same person I am grateful to. I can recall how shocked your expression was empathetically written all over your face._ _It was sad and_ _painful_ _mixed with regrets and longing._

_I miss you so bad_ _,_ _Seungwoo_ _hyung_ _._ _I really do._

_At that time, I rushed into you and buried my head in your neck. I always knew you'd laugh all over because every time I do that you always felt ticklish._

_You never fail to surprise me, Seungwoo hyung. It seems fate has been explaining stuff to me all along and that I have no excuse to be upset with you. I always knew that you would never hurt me, but your promise failed, hyung. You already did long before that time. Why did you hide everything from me? We can fight this battle together, right? We’ve promised,_ _you and me against all odds_ _._

_But it wasn't late for that promise, right? So from that day on, I have always been beside you, battling for you. I knew that this would be overcome by you, that we would overcome this since all problems have their solutions after all, but looking the other way around, I was always afraid of losing you._

_I bet fate was too cruel, it did well on playing us though, because, on a Friday rainy afternoon, you and I lost to the battle with cancer, stage three._

_Are you feeling better now, hyung? How was being free? Are you really free?_

_Me? I don’t think so._

_It has been a year and here I am, still lost in my own world, a world that is drowned by your memories. I can't simply ignore them. All of them were precious jewels to me. It was my life's greatest treasure._

_How I wish I could turn back time, back to those days when we're still running freely and innocently, away from these burdens. Just like the starting point of our everything._

_Anyways, I hope you’re happy up there,_ _hyung_ _. I love you so much._

_Until in our next lifetime, Seungwoo_ _hyung_ _! <3 _

_Always missing you,_  
_Kang Seungsik_

_**PS. Let’s meet in our next lives, okay?** _

Merely finishing his letter, Seungsik burst out crying. He surely missed his lover. Seungwoo was the best thing in his life he never knew he needed the most. Seungwoo turned out to be the boy who cared for him. Seungsik had even fantasized him as the prince who would sweep him off his feet and take him to the star. The boy who had once been his world not so long ago.

Seungwoo was his first, last, and only love. He could have been happy with him until now. _If only._

**Author's Note:**

> *ring bells* tissue anyone? also, i made this after seeing a soju sitting on our fridge :'>


End file.
